Looking Back: One Year of Stability

I was desperate. I was clueless. I was helpless. I was hopeless.

So many things in my heart, on my plate, and none of the brain power to keep up with it.

At the time, it had been 5 years since my diagnosis of Bipolar I Disorder. I was finally on medication that I could tolerate, but it still wasn't enough. I almost wanted to go back to the psych ward for the 4th time - and I HATE that place (amazing grilled cheese sandwiches in the cafeteria though).

"What's the point of taking a mood stabilizer if it doesn't even stabilize my mood??" I wailed.

Manic to depressed. Manic to depressed. What was going on and why???

Please note: I hate to self-diagnosis, but I love to research.
I already knew about mania, depression, mixed episodes, etc... but then I came across "cycling"

• Rapid Cycling: Involves four or more mood episodes (manic, hypomanic, depressive, or mixed states) within a 12-month period.
• Ultra-Rapid Cycling: A rarer form of rapid cycling, characterized by multiple mood episodes occurring within a single month or even days/hours.
• Ultradian Cycling: Characterized by mood swings happening multiple times within a single day.

Ultradian Cycling?? Yep, that sounded like me all right!

This wasn't just once in a while either. No, it was almost daily.

Keyword: Almost.

Question: Why?

During this time, outside of this dilemma, I was on a weight loss journey. I had already lost 10 pounds by replacing soda with Sparkling Ice water. Goodbye three cans of coke a day!

In the midst of implementing healthier choices in the kitchen, I noticed a pattern in my mood depending on what I did or did not consume.

Summary:

1. Caffeine immediately triggers my mania. Since it wears off quickly, my spiral into depression is just as intense. I can get by with a sweet tea at a restaurant (this is southern Texas, after all), but we mostly eat at home (where we rarely have any soda now - either with or without caffeine)
2. High carb lifestyle negatively impacts my mood. At the end of the day, carbs = sugar. Sugar affects your mood; that's why I personally reach for a savory bag of chips when I'm stressed. I don't have much of a sweet tooth, but I'm all for the sauce, pizza, pasta, burgers, fries, etc... THANK GOD, I have been able to still enjoy these foods in moderation without losing my mind. But truthfully, the reason why I've been able to still enjoy carbs is because of...
3. Protein. One of my bipolar and weight-loss besties. I've tried all the diets. The apps. The journals. Blah blah blahhh. All I know is that the more protein I have in my body for the day, the more my brain loves me back. Simply prioritizing protein creates a natural decrease in carbs. Weight loss is almost a perk at this point. I won't pretend to understand all of the science behind it, but considering I already have type II diabetes (thanks Abilify), I do know that protein keeps my blood sugar stable. This, in turn, keeps my mood stable.

These three basic changes in my daily eating habits transformed my life.

Quite frankly, it saved my life and prevented the pain that suicide would've brought to my family.

I went from Ultradian Cycling and near suicide attempts (while on a 2000mg mood stabilizer) to immediate peace and quiet in my whole body.

(Outside of my kids arguing over who gets to sit next to me for the day, of course.)

More to come on other lifestyle changes that have helped me keep up with working, parenting (neurodivergence included), and just basic health and wellness at this point.

Bad habits dying one by one. Not as quick as I'd like, but a prayer a day will get me there.