A Moment of Suicide Prevention

I don't know what I did to deserve this mental illness.

I know that's not the right way of thinking, but I'm getting really tired of masking. I don't even want sympathy. What good would it do? It wouldn't make a difference.

If you don't know, people who suffer with and support others who suffer with suicidal ideations ask if they are "safe" or not.

I've been "safe" for the past 15 years and have trusted in God to keep holding on. But this past year...I've been becoming more "unsafe" every few months.

When it comes to bipolar depression, your mood is not necessarily dependent on your circumstances. Great things have happened this year! My husband and I reunited after a separation, we bought our first home together, I got a promotion to a salaried position, I'm on a medication regimen that does not come with severe side effects... the list goes on.

Counting the blessings is a great reminder, but it does not heal the regions of my brain that misfire and malfunction.

About 30 minutes before writing this - I was not "safe" but I did let my husband know. I feel really bad that he is put in positions like that, but he does a great job. He gives an empathetic ear, but a reality check with a sense of comedic timing.

I have had a social media addiction since Myspace days (Hi, Tom!) -- but this was a breath of fresh air, and I might come here more often.

Side Note -- Growing up in a Christian home, I was not allowed to use Myspace at first... I was, however, allowed to join a Christian version of Myspace called "Dittytalk"... I was HIGHLY addicted but I can save that topic for another time.

About an hour after my personal suicide prevention, I feel better again.

That's bipolar, folks.