Letting Go of "Superwoman"

"Where are we going next?" I asked my parents from the backseat of the car.
"Home!" they replied, surprised that I still had energy to spare.

Of course, as a kid, I wasn't trying to be superwoman. I just wanted to play and have fun. Duh!

However, as an adult, fun looks different these days. For the past 6 or 7 years, I've been wanting to "change the world!" 🙄

• One start-up business at a time
• One non-profit at a time
• One social media account at a time
• One Spotify artist profile at a time

I have too many damn emails. That's a whole other story. (Side note: I hate mania)

While I do enjoy the feel good moments of volunteer work, my ego rears her ugly head too quickly and spoils it all too soon. ...Or maybe not soon enough, to prevent superwoman from volunteering in the first place.

It's getting to the point where I might have to start telling people, "Sorry, wish I could, but my head’s too big."

Now see... I could use the excuse of "Well, I have bipolar, it's just the way I am. I suffer with grandiosity." 😑 More like suffer the embarrassment of it's existence.

But if there's one thing I've learned... I hate letting bipolar have the final say. Now obviously, I can't get rid of bipolar. And I've prayed soo many times.

"Why won't You heal me?? Don't I have enough faith for You to do it??"

Similar to the apostle Paul suffering with a "thorn in his flesh" to keep him from being conceited, the Lord replied that His grace was sufficient (2 Cor. 12:1-10). Sufficient grace. Hm. What is grace anyway? Well, here's a trick to remember.

Grace = Gift

The thing about grace and gifts...it's usually not what you expect. It's better, and it's not until you receive it or start to apply it, do you begin to understand it.

Very recently, I got real with God and said (very much like a teenager would)...

"I feel like You don't like any of the music that I make, because whenever I try to do something or anything related to music, I feel like You shoot it down and I don't know why. When You shoot my music down, it feels like You're shooting me down."

It was a very "WHY DO YOU HATE ME?!" moment, I must admit.

I’ve been a singer/songwriter since I was a teenager (so, last year, of course). Back then, I sang my lyrics as I played the piano or ukulele (not the best but I was okay). I had a little following on YouTube also (I have since deleted that whole channel because…well, mania 😒). I didn’t keep up with the instruments over the years, but lyrics and vocals were always somewhere in my life.

As much as I tried to get better and work with what I had in GarageBand - everything was shit. There. I said it. My humble pie. A whole damn bakery in my GarageBand folders.

Oddly enough, a couple days after my 33 year old tantrum....my music is starting to kick off (just in SoundCloud for now, gonna slowly move to Spotify eventually). Even though it doesn't look the way I ever thought it would, I can see reasons why this way is much better than the previous methods. So far it’s been a blessing and a blast, and I keep thinking of that verse that says God works all things together for our good.