Falling Off the Wagon

 My routine. My exercise. My macros. My prayer time. My Bible time.

The kid's summer break is really throwing me off. Today marks a full week.

It feels like an eternity.

It all started with the last week of school.

• Attending graduation ceremonies at random hours of the day.
• Early release days.
• A series of unfortunate allergies (really hits you differently in your 30s).

Then a 3-day weekend for Memorial Day, which was nice. Extra family time at the pool was fun.

I finally found a one-piece swimsuit that doesn't make me look like a bloated gorilla looks good on me. Now I can actually swim laps without worrying about any mishaps. My family can't swim. Sad.

The only unwavering anchors in my life this past week have been:

• The basket of unfolded clothes under the bed
• The assortment of paper clutter, pajamas, and prescriptions that go back and forth between my desk chair and my bed (like a daily game of ping pong I play by myself - and both teams are losing)
• Funyuns for breakfast in bed (I am not well)

Life this past week just feels like a tornado of frozen beef taquitos, cereal, Sparkling Ice water, and constantly saying, "No, I'm not gonna DoorDash McDonald's."

People with bipolar do very well with routine and structure. Truth be told, sometimes attaining that level stability feels impossible. And to retain that sort of balance?? ...Everyone is different, but for me, medicine barely helps my extreme moods (see previous posts).

Bipolar symptoms are already disruptive and destructive enough as is. I mean like real life shit, not the "Funyuns for breakfast" lifestyle I've adopted as of late.

All this to say... THANK YOU GOD for summer school. It will bring back some familiarity for a month. I dread to think what July will bring. Maybe I should just use PTO for actual vacation time instead of doctor appointments. 😓